2014-03-03 - Molly Hayes - Drug Mule
It's outside Wallygreen's, on the front. Two slackers are otherwise chatting, leaning in over against grooves in the well worn plexiglass of the outside window so well it might as well be molded couch buttcushions. "So then I say to this motherfucking tightwad of a retarded cunt that no, she is that fucking fat so she looks like she's smuggling watermelons and I don't fucking care, bitch looks fat both ways with the shirt and is." Sporting a shiner bright enough to be seen from Mount Olympus, Jay rubs at his black eye, "Then cunt beaned me. I mean, if she didn't want to know, why'd she ask?" Bob just looks over at him with a 'what the hell, dude, logic' expression. Molly Hayes gets out of Leapfrog which landed, cloaked, in the park. The Runaways had to go to this city based on some lead about a Pride stash in the area. Unfortunately, the trip did not count on Molly having three mega-blaster-big-gulps beforehand. And she had threatened to 'punch everyone forever' if they didnt stop somewhere so she could go to the bathroom. Especially since Leapfrog's facilities were offline. While they landed in Central City, the gang decided to takes a few hours to explore. So after the obligatory 'Molly don't get in trouble' speech, they all split up. Molly heads to the nearest place with a restroom - some convenience store named Wallygreen's. Molly runs in. "Needtousethebathroomplease!" she immediately says to the clerk. After some protesting about how she was supposed to buy something, the threat of "I WILL PEE ALL OVER THE FLOOR!" is used, Molly gets the key, and ic coming out of the restroom to return said key when she stops to look at the two slackers. Jay is continuing on, "So why the fuck did she ask if bitch didn't want to hear the truth? I mean she looked like she could take 'em topsides and bottomsides!" Bob lets out a sigh and then looks over at MOlly with a sympathetic of 'see what I have to put up with' expression on his face. Jay looks over at Molly quickly, "Hey, kid. Wanna make some dough?" Molly Hayes stands there with the bathroom key attached to a tire iron in her hand, then looks at Bob, then at Jay. "Um... how much? What do I need to do?" Molly really needs to learn the whole 'don't talk to strangers' thing, but when your parents were supervillains then you're on the run, that's not usually one of the typical talks one gets. Jay looks over at MOlly, "We need a drug mule to run deliveries for us. You're cute and you have a really awesome hat. So I see no reason you can't be trusted. We'll give you all the candy we have." Bob looks at him with a 'what candy' expression, and Jay grumbles, "Fine, we'll buy her all the candy. Thta good enough for you you fat fuckwit?" Molly Hayes scratches her head. "I don't think I'm supposed to use drugs, plus I don't have a mule. Unless you mean like aspirin? Oh and I heard that caffeine was a drug because I was watching Bill Nye Science Guy and he said stuff like caffeine and tobacco are legal drugs but I wouldnt smoke because it smells really bad. Oh and I also heard there's some nut that people chew that's a drug also but that's legal too but I don't remember the name of it because I wasn't paying attention when Bill Nye was talking about that one, but I do remember that he said that nutmeg is actually a drug too but people use that in cooking all the time." Even Jay is able to catch on fast enough, "Well these are happy things that take people over to a special awesome amazing place when they take them. But because people find that people being happy is annoying 'cuz thye'r ea bunch of whiny fuckwit asscunts we have to do it on the down low. So you can help us help take people to thier happy place so they don't have to deal with bitchcunt whining of everyone being miserable tards and we'll get you a lot of candy." NOthing can possibly go wrong! Molly Hayes makes a face. "You like cursing a lot, doncha. My happy place was in Malibu but it got exploded." She peers at the bag. "Are these legal drugs like caffeine and nutmeg then?" Jay uhms, "It.. Depends. And some people hate the awesome, but we must spread it. Feel the power, deny the right to say no to the fucktards and the asswipes for whom would deny the righteous bitchin' things." Bob adds, after a thought, "Sorry about your place in Malibu." His words are kind. Jay adds, "Damn fuckin right I cuss a fuckin lot. People cuss. So I'm bein' human!" Molly Hayes pauses. "Aliens curse too. And I think a parrot can curse if you train it too cause there are these parrots that can copy like 500 words." She fidgets a bit, looking at Bob to try to see if she's the only one not following what's being said. When you confuse Molly, there's some serious confusion going on. Then she says, "Um well... I don't know if I can do it if it's illegal drugs. I mean my friends told me not to get into trouble and also I'm like a total superhero and stuff." Jay nods, "Fuckin' little bastards. They're worse than cats. And cats fuckin' watch you. Thier every move. Just waitin' for you to fall asleep so they can GUT YOU." He makes a slashing movement over across his throat then in emphatic gesture of what a cat would do and secure in the knowledge that parrots are far worse. Bob goes on, "What we provide our clientelle is legal in parts of the country and rapidly approaching critical mass where it will no doubt become legal in other parts." Considering over then how to put it in ways that the young child would grasp while making it clear what they do so she can make a fair decision. "We provide doobies, like what Scooby and Shaggy were on." Jay shoots the middle finger at him, "Shag Daphne righteously and make you watch pudding bastard." Molly Hayes looks soooo confused at whatever it is Jay is saying, then looks at Bob as he tries to explain. Which makes her look more confused. Until the Scooby Doo refrence. "You mean like Scooby Snacks? If you want me to deliver Scooby Snacks I can do that, sure!" She then looks at Jay again when he makes his outburst. Then back at Bob. "I don't understand anything he's saying at all." Jay grins, "Take that you fuckbitch!" He errs, and then glances at Molly, "Him not you." Bob just sighed and rolled his eyes, then going to glance over at Molly, and then quickly pointing over at the bathroom. To Jay, Scoobies Snacks were definitely doobies. How else would those two get the munchies? Molly Hayes nods a little, slowly. "And if I deliver Scooby Snacks to your friends, you'll buy me a bunch of candy?" Jay nods, "Yup! We'll split what they give us fourty fourty fourty. Each of us will get a third!" Bob just sighs. Molly Hayes scratches her head again. "But that's..." She thinks and uses her fingers for a while to count up. "Carry the one..." Some more thinking, then says, "That's 120." Then shrugs. "Anyway I'll deliver your cookies. Once, back when I was going to school, my class had a contest to see who could sell the most candy and one of my friends parents bought like... everything and I won a free life sized stuffed Doop doll! I still have it." Jay nods, "Cuz Doop is awesome. Also that fucking potato will shiv you in a back alley and drop your pants for the fuckin' dogs to chew on if you say otherwise." Jay's eyes are otherwise wide with fear. "And we can't get you a hugefuck doll but we can get you as much fuckin' candy as we can fuckin' afford." Molly Hayes nods a little, then starts to smile. "Yeah okay!" Because if they think Doop is awesome, they can't possibly be bad guys. Plus they're treating her all like an adult. "Okay so where do I need to bring the Scooby Snacks?" she asks, holding her hands out. then looks at the key on tire iron. "Oh wait..." She takes the end of the tire iron, bends it a bit into a hook, then hangs it on her pocket since it wouldnt have fit in her pocket normally. "Okay. Where do I bring the Scooby Snacks?" Oh and her eyes briefly glowed purple. Bob just sighs over at the bent tire iron and looks at Jay with a 'great idea, moron' look on his face. Jay goes wide eyed over and.. Yeah, not his best idea. But he realizes it this time! Progress. "Here, go ahead.." Jay starts to jot down addresses over and then hands over a baggie, "It says who is for what in each thing." The marijuana is otherwise packaged into smal ziplock bags. Molly Hayes looks at the baggie curiously when she's handed it. "Doesn't really look like scooby snacks. Is it like scooby snack mix? It sorta looks like grass with poop or something." Jay nods, "Pretty much. This is the stuff that gets mixed in with the snacks that makes everyone really hungry and have weird fantasy sequencies after they snort 'em. Like Scooby Brownies." Bob glances at Jay in shock. Did Jay just say something actually intelligent? Molly Hayes ohhhs. "Like MSG in chinese food?" Then nods. "So more like brownie MSG mix than cookie mix." She nods some more, then takes the addresses. "Okay I'll give the brownie MSG mix to each of your friends - what am I getting from them?" Jay is cheerful, "Cash, which we'll then use to get you candy and get us stuff. Fourty Fourty Fourty." Bob just rubs his head at Jay again. Molly Hayes nods. "Okay! Can you let the guy inside know I'll bring back his key right after I bring your brownie MSG mix to your friends? Thanks!" then she runs off with the baggies to go to the first address. Jay gives a nod over at Molly, "Sure." After she's run off he realizes, "Uhm who are her friends that're looking for her?" Bob just sighs. --- About an hour later, Molly comes back to Jay and that relatively silent guy named Bob, "You'll never believe what happened guys! Seriously, like never in a million billion years!" Jay looks terrified, "Doop and that crazy Canadian midget pirate have teamed up and are after my intestines!?" He looks terrified. Bob just sighs and gestures at Molly to go on. Molly Hayes blinks. "What? No... no okay so I went to the first two places and they were REALLY happy to get their brownie mix but I think they both had allergies because their eyes were really watery... then I went to the third place and there were some other guys who were coming over as well and they were delivering flour - and your friends didnt have enough money for both, and the other guys got REALLY angry about that and they took out guns and I had to beat them up and police got called and one of the police took the rest of your brownie MSG mix and I sorta ran away cause I'm not supposed to be out with the police." She pauses. "But I got the money for the other two of your friends. Do I get my candy now?" Jay just sighs, "Shit happens, gotta deal." He goes to the ground and gets on his knees, "I'm proud of you kid. You're like the twerpy but awesome kid sister I never had. Plus you're also at crotch level and you hit super hard." He goes over to give her a very un-Jay like hug then if allowed. Bob mouths over at Molly 'he's high' and then shrugs his shoulders. And then rubs at his head and sighs, "Keep it. We didn't want to get you in trouble.. So get you and your friends some candy." Molly Hayes gets all hugged by the stoner dealer. Then smiles when they give her the money for the candy. She comes out with a bag full of candy, while the clerk in the store is busy trying to figure how the tire iron got all bent up. Molly stops by the two guys. "Thanks guys! And if you ever need me to deliver scooby snacks or brownie mix or anything again, and if I'm ever around here again I'll do it again! I might bring my friend's dinosaur next time okay? Cause she would totally hackF@#&! up those doobie-stealing #!%%@&#ers who go after your scooby snacks!" A pause, then wave. "Bye!" Then she runs off. Bob glances over at Jay, "God have mercy on your soul." Then smirks and crosses his arms. Right as someone who looks an awful lot like a rather irritated Alan Rickman walks out of the shadows, "Oh you two have /no idea/ what you have just done.." Jay and Bob paled. Fadeout.